Here For You
by TheFostersFangirl
Summary: This story deals with Callie learning to cope with her past. In helping Callie, Stef's past comes back to haunt her. Will Lena be able to help them both? WARNING: This story contains themes that might trigger some audiences such as Self-Harm, and Rape.
1. Chapter 1

Callie ran upstairs in disbelief that she had just told Lena and Stef her biggest secret. Did she really trust them? She heard Lena calling her name from downstairs but she ignored it and ran into the only unoccupied room which was Lena and Stef's bedroom. She closed the door and collapsed into sobs on the floor. After holding in this secret for so long she was finally ready to take this weight off her shoulders. She had been raped by Liam Olmstead.

"I'll go get her" said Lena, making a step towards the staircase. Both of them could hear the heavy sobs coming from the second floor. "No, let me."

Stef followed the crying sounds into the Master Bedroom. She found Callie crying on the floor just left of the entrance. "Oh, baby…" she said as she put a hand on Callie's shoulder. Callie flinched at the contact. Stef immediately understood and apologized. "No one in this household will ever hurt you." With this Callie collapsed into Stef's arms.

Lena entered the bedroom to find her partner and Callie peacefully sleeping in the bed and decided she would sleep on the couch that night. She quietly changed into her pajamas, trying hard not to wake the ladies, and headed downstairs with an extra pillow. She was up for 2 hours thinking about that night's uncovered information before finally drifting off into a deep sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

**Note: hey guys, don't be afraid to leave me some reviews! This is my first fanfic and I want to know how I am doing! I love all 4 of my followers and I hope you enjoy this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it!**

Callie jolted awake covered in sweat "it was just a nightmare" she whispered to herself. The red glowing of the clock read 2:16am. She began to think, "Why did I even tell them about me? Liam said he would come after Jude if I told anyone. I will probably get put into a group home now. I should have just kept quiet for Jude. Ugh, why do I have to be such an attention whore? She knew what she needed.

Callie crept down the stairs quietly, trying not to wake a peacefully sleeping Lena. She headed for the downstairs bathroom, where Brandon kept his old-fashioned straight razors. He hardly ever used them so he wouldn't notice if one went missing right?

Lena awoke to the sound of footsteps downstairs. She heard whoever it was walk slowly to the bathroom. Lena figured that it must be one of the kids using the bathroom, but why didn't they use the one upstairs? She decided to go check it out.

Callie closed the door behind her and went straight to the cabinets. She quickly found the box of old straight razors and plucked out the smallest one. A smile spread across her lips as she headed in front of the mirror. Tears began running down her cheeks as she made thin red lines on her wrist.

As Lena approached the bathroom she heard the sound of soft crying coming from inside. "Callie?" Lena said knocking on the door. There was a gasp from inside. Lena found that the door was unlocked and she slowly opened the door to find her nightmare.

When Callie heard Lena's voice she rushed to put everything away and hide her bleeding wrist but she was too late. The door pushed open and Callie could not bring herself to look at Lena. "Oh, Callie, What have you done?" Lena said with concern. Callie looked at her foster mom through her bangs and said a quiet "I'm Sorry".

"okay, let's get you cleaned up" Lena began to run the water and took Callie's hand, trying to put it under the water. Callie jerked back her hand, surprised at the touch. Lena gave Callie a wholesome look "We wouldn't want this to get infected now would we? Let me clean it up for you." Callie gave Lena her wrist to be put under the running water.

After Callie was all bandaged up Lena chuckled and said "Dr. Mom to the rescue" Which made a smile creep across Callie's lips. Lena rubbed Callie's back and told her to go back to sleep and that they would talk about this in the morning.

Callie opened her eyes to a pleasant "good morning, sunshine" from Stef. "Good Morning" Callie said in return as she got up out of bed. Stef walked over to Callie staring a little too long at the bandages Lena had told her about this morning and said "How about you, Lena, and I all go out to lunch and discuss things, just the three of us?" Callie nodded. "Yea, sure let me just take a shower and get dressed, I'll be downstairs in about 15."


	3. Chapter 3

**Note: Please know that this chapter deals with the sensitive subjects of Rape and Self-Harm. I worked really hard on trying to elaborate more on the characters feelings in this chapter and it is longer than the last two. Please leave some reviews on how I am doing and I hope you enjoy!**

As Callie was getting ready for the Lunch date with her foster moms she began feeling more and more apprehensive. Her hands were shaking as she picked out a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt from her dresser. She quickly changed and let out a huge sigh. "Everything alright?" asked her foster sister and roommate, Marianna. "Yea, I was just about to go out to lunch with Lena and Stef" Callie said as she shoved her hands into the front pocket of her sweatshirt, trying to hide her nervousness. "Okay" Marianna said, sounding unconvinced "Have fun". Callie let out a small chuckle at that as she headed out the door of her room

Callie could hear her heartbeat in her ears by the time she got downstairs. At the sight of their foster daughter the stood up from where they were sitting on the couch and smiled. "Ready to go?" asked Stef. Callie nodded and followed Lena and Stef out the door.

"You know, we don't bite" said Lena, smiling at Callie in the rearview mirror. She had noticed how nervous Callie looked from the second she came downstairs. Lena didn't know where they would even start to help Callie; she had been through so much at such a young age. Neither of them knew how much pain she was really feeling.

After about 10 minutes they arrived at a small Italian restaurant. "I hope you like Italian" Said Stef as she opened the teenager's door. Callie got out and hoped that they didn't notice the tremor in her legs. This is it, she thought, for the first time I am actually going to face my problems instead of just shoving them behind this smile.

Once they sat down at a somewhat private table in the back of the already small restaurant a waitress showed up and asked them for their drink order. "We'll all get water" said Lena. Stef poked Callie and said "She was always the health nut" which made Callie laugh. Once the waitress left Lena and Stef exchanged a glance and looked at Callie. "Where do we start?" announced Stef.

Lena took control "Let's start with Liam; I hope you know that this was not your fault." Callie was relieved they did not begin with what happened the night before. "I know. I just wish I could have prevented it though, for Jude." Stef jumped in "I don't think that could have been possible, so don't blame yourself. " Callie nodded. "I'm guessing you know that I am going to have to report this to Bill?" Callie tensed up; this was her fear from day one. She had loved living with the Fosters and she knew that this meant she would be put in a group home for being 'sexually suggestive'. "Please, don't put me in a group home." Callie pleaded. "Why would we ever put you in a group home? We need to report this to Bill so we can get Sarah out of the Olmstead's home and place a restraining order on Liam" Lena countered. Callie was confused; all Liam ever told her was that if she ever said anything she would be put into a group home. "Really? I thought I would be marked as sexually suggestive and placed in a group home" Callie suggested. Lena was astonished at her reasoning, "This was not your fault that would only happen if this was your fault but I repeat this was not your fault"

Callie felt better already; she began to really trust Lena and Stef. "Don't get too attached Callie" She thought to herself "You will not be able to stay here very long". Just as she was about to say something to them the waitress appeared with their drinks, "Are you all ready to order?"

When the waitress disappeared into the kitchen Stef started again "So sometime soon we will have you talk with Bill about what happened and all the details, will that be okay? Or do you need some more time?" As soon as Stef began trailing off Callie interrupted and said "No, that should be fine" Callie hoped that she would be able to hold it together when she was talking to Bill, she had never even met him. "Will one of you be there?" Callie questioned, hoping that she would have some support when telling her story for the second time. "Of course sweetie, if you want us there then we will certainly come along" Lena answered.

Callie smiled "Thanks". She felt so comfortable with talking to them. The only person she had ever felt this close to was Jude. Callie wished that they would adopt her and Jude, but she knew that would never happen, they already had enough children and Callie would be a burden to live with.

"Okay" Stef chimed in "Now let's talk about who we are going to tell about this. Do you want the other children to know anything about this?" Callie's smile vanished from her face "Well, Jude already knows, other than that I want the other kids to know, but just not the specifics. And also, can you guys be the ones to tell them? I don't want to have to be there when it happens, I get too emotional." Stef was surprised that a 12 year old Jude knew about this. Most 12 year olds that she met barely even knew what rape was. But when she thought about it, most 12 year olds she knew hadn't been placed in many different abusive foster homes. "Lena and I can tell them for you, no problem. I completely understand. Right Lena?" Lena agreed. Callie was pleased "Okay, thanks so much. I guess that's all we need to talk about." She was obviously trying to avoid the incident last night, and she was hoping Lena and Stef wouldn't bring it up. No one ever knew about Callie's self-harm, not even Jude, and she didn't really want to stop. Self-harm was the only thing keeping Callie alive, it made the pain go away.

"Hold on, Missy, you know there is still something we need to talk about." Lena pointed out. Callie gulped "uh..." Before anyone could continue, the waitress entered with their food "Everything look good?" she asked and everyone nodded. With this she left them to continue their conversation. Callie's legs were shaking under the table and she felt a pain in her chest. She wished she could hide under a rock. Stef was first to interject "Lena told me earlier what happened last night. You could have come and talked to us." Callie found this hard to believe "It was the middle of the night, you were both asleep" she said, although she would not have talked to them if they were standing right in front of her. Stef looked at her with and said "You can wake us up; Lena is usually watching Law & Order at all hours anyways." This made them all laugh. Callie was glad that they were not angry at her. Lena was the first to ask a question "How long has this been going on? The cutting I mean." Callie looked down in her lap and mumbled "About 3 years" Both of them were shocked. She had been hurting herself for 3 years and nobody had ever noticed or cared. Callie blurted out "But this is the first time in a few months that I have done it, this first time in your house. I was just feeling really triggered last night." Although Lena certainly did not want Callie self-harming, she understood that she might have felt very low last night, after telling them about Liam. It must have brought up many emotions that she never actually dealt with. She pondered this for a moment and finally said "next time you feel triggered like that I need you to come to me or Stef. I don't care if it is 3 in the morning or noon; we will never turn you down do you understand? I don't want you to be scared to ashamed to talk to us; we will never judge you and we will always help you through it okay?" At this point they were all finished eating and Callie was choking up a little. No one had ever been this compassionate to her; no one had ever cared about her. She could see how much this was hurting her foster moms and she decided she would do her best to stop cutting. "Okay" she said "I'll try to quit cutting" and for the first time, she actually meant it.


	4. Chapter 4

When they entered in the front door Stef grabbed Callie's elbow and said "All the kids should be home, would it be okay if Lena and I told them now?"

"Sure, I'll just head upstairs."

Stef smiled at her before gathering the 4 children in the Living room. "Okay guys, me and Lena have to share something with you. It's about Callie.

"What happened? Is she alright?" Jude's face filled with worry for his sister.

Lena placed a hand on his knee. "Callie is fine, she is just upstairs." Her smile turned into a frown. "Almost 2 years ago, when Callie was 15 she was in a foster home and she was raped. She wanted you guys to know that, and she does not want anyone to treat her any differently." Lena didn't realize how hard she was gripping Stef's hand until she let go.

Jude immediately started sobbing. Stef heard him say "How could I have let this happen?" through his tears. Everyone else was clearly in shock as they all agreed to act normal around Callie. When everyone left Stef sat on the floor in front of Jude so she was eye level with him. "Hey, you were just 10 years old. There was nothing you could have done, this was not your fault, and this was not Callie's fault, the only person to blame is Liam, okay?" Jude nodded his head yes and jumped into Stef's arms.

Lena noticed a sense of comfort on her partner's face. She knew how much Stef loved these kids, and Lena loved them too. Both of them had yet to express their thoughts on making this a permanent home, but Lena knew that conversation would not be too far away.

"Okay, how about you go ask Brandon to take you to the park? It is a nice day out."

"Do you think he'd take me?"

"I am most certain he would." Stef watched as the 12 year old sprinted up the stairs, and left with Brandon. "Be back before dinner" She yelled as they exited the door.

Lena walked up and put a hand on Stef's shoulder. "Should we check on Callie?" She wondered if Marianna had tried to get anything out of her yet.

"I think Callie is okay, Mari is there with her. Can I talk to you about something?"

"You want to adopt Callie and Jude?"

"How'd you know?"

"I saw the look on your face Stef; it was the same one as when you met Mari and Jesus."

Stef could only hope that Lena felt the same way about these kids. "So, what do you say?"


	5. Chapter 5

For 5 days Lena and Stef had been meeting with Bill and talking about the adoption. On Friday the only thing left to do was sign a final piece of paper confirming the adoption of Callie and Jude. Stef and Lena trekked upstairs to talk to their children one by one.

Stef opened Brandon's door. "Hey, can we talk for a second?"

"Yea sure, I just finished my piece. What is it?"

Lena sat down at his desk and spun the chair to face him. "We were thinking of adopting Callie and Jude. Would that be okay with you?"

"Of course! You can never have too many brothers and sisters; just the hot water is limited…"

Stef chuckled "So we have your approval? It would be best if you let us know now."

Brandon nodded his head yes. He was surprised that they were adopting them after such a short amount of time. He didn't mind too much, but he would have to keep himself away from Callie at least until they are both in college.

"Okay honey, we are going to go talk to your brother and sister about this." Lena exited the room following Stef.

After all three kids agreed on their decision to adopt Jude and Callie, Lena and Stef began making a special dinner. They were so excited to add these children into their family, and Bill was happy they finally found a permanent home.

Stef just hoped that Brandon and Callie will realize that after Callie is adopted they can certainly not do any more of this flirting Stef had noticed. That must be some sort of incest, she thought to herself.

"Kids, dinner is ready!" Lena yelled from downstairs. Callie had noticed everyone was acting all giddy today and she didn't like one bit of it. She knew this was exactly what would happen when they found out about Liam. She trudged downstairs next to Marianna and sat next to Jude, who was already there.

"Pizza baked spaghetti, my favorite!" Brandon said as the dinner table came into his sight. He could not help but notice how good Callie looked. She was wearing a grey shirt, denim jacket, dark skinny jeans, and her leather boots. He liked how she had a tomboy edgy look to her.

During the dinner they all made small talk about their days at school and news that had shown on TV until Lena finally spoke up. "Callie, Jude, we have an announcement to make. We have already talked to Brandon and the Twins about this and we were just wondering if you would like to live in this home permanently."

A huge smile shot across Jude's face "You're going to adopt us?" This was the only foster home he really liked and he was so excited to stay here. He felt comfortable around Stef and Lena and he never wanted to leave this house, but now he didn't have to.

"Only if you want us to, we only have one last paper for us to sign." Stef was happy about how happy Jude looked. She loved these kids so much and she could not imagine them ever leaving this foster home. Across the table she saw a slight tear in Callie's eye.

"Yes, thank you so much. I know I would love to live here, how about you Jude?" Callie said ecstatically. Nobody had ever wanted her or Jude and she never thought the day would come when she heard these words. Jude nodded yes and wrapped his petite arms around Callie.

Lena could not have been any happier. She had her family, her whole family, here and nothing could change that. "How about we all go out for ice cream?"

"Sure, mom" Jude said. He could get used to this, he thought.

**_NOTE: Thanks for all the wonderful reviews I have been getting! Please review with what you would like to see next in the story and any corrections that can be made! I love all of my favorites and followers! I'll see you next chapter! 3_**


	6. Chapter 6

Lena and Stef were on the couch watching TV when Callie came down the stairs. Brandon, Jude, and Jesus were all asleep and Marianna was spending the night at Lexi's.

"I…uh… I was about to…" Callie trailed off.

Lena flicked off the TV "I'm glad you came to talk to us. Sit down."

She took a seat in the chair opposite the couch. "Well I was thinking about the trial and how they found Liam not guilty and at the time it didn't bother me but it does. It really fucking bothers me that he raped me and he gets to walk away without any kind of punishment." Tears fell down her face.

Stef didn't know how to fix this because there was no way to possibly fix this. "I don't know what to say."

"Callie, you know that none of this was your fault. And Liam's brain is probably punishing him enough. He has to live the rest of his life knowing that he raped someone. I get that you are frustrated and probably angry and I want you to know that that's okay. It is perfectly normal to be angry at Liam, and the Jury. It is even okay to be angry at yourself. But know that it is not okay to take out the frustration on your skin with a blade." At this point Lena was sitting on the floor in front of Callie's chair whilst brushing the hair from her face. Callie jumped into the brunette's arms.

"I just can't do this anymore!" Callie kept repeating into Lena's shoulder. She needed a blade right then, she thought, she should have never come to Lena and Stef, they are just keeping her from what she needs. In a state of her own mind, Callie darted up and began quickly towards the kitchen to get a knife.

Stef saw what she was looking at and where she was headed and grabbed her arms behind her back, just as she did often at work. The teen was yelling at her to let her go. "Lena, uh…can I get a little help?" Stef said. She didn't know how much longer she could fight the girl.

Lena nodded and headed to the office. She searched through the drawer and found what she was looking for, a red marker. When she entered the living room with the marker Stef looked at her with a quizzical look. Lena placed herself in front of Callie. "Callie, use this. Make the marks on your arms." She said, handing her the red marker.

Stef let go one of Callie's hands at first, to make sure she didn't dart and when the teen dropped to the floor she let go of her other arm.

Callie was fazed by the marker, almost fascinated. She rolled up the sleeve of her sweater and undid the cap of the marker. Sweat was pouring from her forehead from trying to fight off Stef. She placed the marker as hard as she could on her left forearm and made a quick slash towards her hand. It didn't feel as good as a cut but it worked. Cut after cut was made and she wrote the words 'worthless' and 'whore' on her fragile, tan skin.

At this point, Lena was crying. She was horrified that her daughter who she cared so much for thought of herself as worthless and a whore. Her partner walked around and put a hand on her shoulder. They both watched in silence until the now sobbing teen finally stopped. It looked as if there were thousands of red marks placed upon her arm.

Stef extended a hand out to Callie, who took it and stood up. "I'm gonna…" Callie pointed to her arm "Go wash this off"

"Great I'll come too" There was no way Stef was going to let Callie in the bathroom alone after what happened that night. She followed her into the bathroom and watched as the red marks slowly faded from Callie's skin. "So, Lena and I were talking earlier today and we were thinking we would get you a therapist"

"Like a shrink?" Callie raised her eyebrows and stopped washing her arm

"Well you can't go to the group sessions anymore ever since we adopted you and we think personal sessions would be better. Especially after the trial and tonight, we are worried for you and we want to get you some help. Would that be okay?"

Callie was afraid of going to a shrink. She had only ever been to group before and she was not good at sharing there, but in a personal session you had to share because well, you are the only one there. "I guess that'd be fine" Callie said slowly.

"Good, because you didn't have a choice"

Callie nodded and returned to washing her arm off.

When Lena finally got herself together she went to go join the two ladies in the bathroom. She appeared in the doorway and Callie was just drying her arm off. The clock above the towel rack read 1:48, she realized that they had sat there watching Callie in a great state of pain for almost an hour. Her eyes began to water at the thought of her daughter in that much pain

"Lena, I'm sorry" Callie said when she was done drying her arm off. She felt like a horrible person for having to put them through all this.

Lena's sad expression was immediately wiped off her face "Two things; one, don't ever apologize for something that you cannot control and two, call me mom."


	7. Chapter 7

**Note: Seeing reviews that are really nice and longer than 3 words really makes my day. I have gotten some really kind reviews that keep me writing a lot. Don't be afraid to leave a review or some suggestions, I don't bite! But seriously with the suggestions guys, I'm running out of ideas!**

They all made small talk at breakfast. It was Saturday, which meant they all ate pancakes. Callie was trying to wear her brightest smile for the family but she kept seeing the same worried faces from everyone across the table. Then it hit her. They must have heard her last night. It could have woken them up, she was _screaming_ at Stef to let her go. Jude had always been a heavy sleeper though.

Everyone began to file out of the Kitchen when they completed their Breakfast. "Callie, how about you stay and help me do the dishes?" she heard Stef say.

"Shoot, I almost got away." Callie thought to herself.

As Stef washed and Callie dried Lena stood behind them watching. She didn't want to ruin the symmetry of the moment but this was why they kept Callie in there in the first place. "So Callie, I spoke with Stef and we are going to pick out a therapist. We just wanted to know if you wanted to have a say in who it is. Like would you feel more comfortable with a male or female?"

This made Callie uncomfortable. In her mind she thought neither but they wanted an answer. She thought it might be kind of awkward to talk about a rape with a man so she simply replied "I guess a chick would be fine"

Lena chuckled at the teen saying chick. It reminded her of when Stef used to point out people at a shopping mall to her.

"What?" Callie said almost defensively

"Nothing, you just reminded me of Stef. We would be out in public somewhere and she would always say something like 'Cute chick, 6 o' clock'" Lena realized they had gotten to know Callie really well but Callie did not really know them.

This made Stef laugh too. "Okay Callie, I guess were done with ya. You can leave if you want."

Callie looked down at the dishes still in the sink "No, I'll help dry the rest. We're not done."

"Thanks sweetie, you're a saint."

"No problem! So you never really talk about yourselves, when did you two meet?"

Lena though the teen must have read her mind. "When Stef enrolled Brandon at Anchor Beach for Kindergarten."

Stef chimed in "I was married to Mike at the time, but we were in a separation."

Hearing the tone in Stef's voice when she talked about Mike automatically made Callie regret asking the question. Why did she have to be so nosy?

"Fast forward 10 years and we're married" Lena said, attempting to bring up the mood. She hated when Stef talked about Mike. You could say she was a little jealous, especially after they were partnered together at work.

"Oh yea, that reminds me, has Jude ever uh…said anything to you?" Stef stopped washing the dishes for a second

"Wha—oh, no he hasn't." Callie did not understand at first but she go from Stef's expression that she was talking about his sexuality. It was obvious to Callie that Jude was either gay or bi but he never said anything and she never asked. She figured she would love him just the same anyways.

"I was just wondering because well…gaydar. And I figured that if he didn't want to tell us before because we were just a temporary home, that would be fine but now that we have adopted you two…" Stef really wanted to have a gay son. She wanted to provide a better home for LGBT youth than she had growing up with her dad.

Callie still didn't really care much but the gaydar comment made her laugh. Anyway, she thought, people are people and she didn't care what people people liked. Now she was confused. "Nope, he hasn't popped the magic words but I wouldn't ask him. He might get defensive"

They had just finished drying the last plate and turned around to find that Lena had left. "Ninja mama" Stef commented.

Callie walked up to her room as Stef settled into the couch. She passed by the master bedroom and did a double take. She heard Lena saying her name. When she backed up and looked in the room she saw Lena talking to Jude who was sitting on the bed.

"Was that Callie last night?" Jude said innocently.

"Was what Callie last night sweetie?" Lena replied not quite understanding.

"The yelling, I heard yelling from downstairs last night but Jesus was asleep."

"Um…"

"Is she hurting herself again?"

**Jude knows! I put a small little Cliffhanger in there for you! I tried to keep this chapter less intense because I thought I was pretty intense last time. Expect to see the continuation of this conversation in the next chapter and leave some suggestions for what else you would like to see! Love you all!**

**Xoxo Katie**


	8. Chapter 8

**Note: Oh my god you guys left so many reviews and I felt so loved! Thanks so much to everyone that left me reviews and keep em coming! **

Callie let out a gasp from the doorway. How did Jude find out? She never told him, or anyone for that matter.

Lena looked up at Callie, surprised to see that the teen was watching from the doorway. She could tell that Callie did not know that Jude knew about her self-harm. Poor Jude, she thought, his sister does something most 12 year olds don't even know about.

"Callie, are you hurting yourself again? Remember you used to do it in the house after the Olmsteads?" Jude seemed so innocent in saying all of this, as if there was nothing wrong.

"Hey, Jude buddy, I think it'd be best if you went to your room okay? Can I talk to Callie for a minute?" Lena wanted to get to Callie as soon as possible, she looked like she was about to throw up.

At this point Callie was hyperventilating. It was all her fault that her baby brother knew about self-harm. What if he started too? She thought she was the worst sister in the world.

"Callie, sit down." Lena sat her daughter on the bed. "Breathe sweetie, breathe." She didn't know what to do so she continued to assist Callie in her breathing. "In, out, in, out"

Before long Callie was breathing normally again. The hyperventilating was replaced with crying. "I am such a bad sister. How could I expose Jude to all this? He is only 12!"

"That is not true; you are the best sibling I have ever met. Jude looks up to you like a mother. And he had to learn at some point right? You are wonderful Callie." She continued with words of encouragement. "Hey, hey, crying is good Callie. When you are crying, you aren't cutting right?"

Callie repeated all of this in her mind until she calmed down. "Okay. Um… talk to Jude for me? And I'm going to go to bed."

"Sure thing. What do you want me to tell him?"

"Just tell him he was right and that it's not his fault."

"Okay I'll tell him and come check on you."

Great, Callie thought, she would come check on her. The perks of being a self-harmer, she got not privacy at any time especially after she had been crying. Callie still felt bad for Jude but she began to feel bad for somebody else, for the first time, Callie felt bad for herself.

*Knock Knock*

"Jude?"

"Come in!" Jude yelled at the door as Lena entered. "Can someone answer me now?"

Lena noticed a hint of sass in the young boy's tone. "Okay Jude, you were right. Callie started self-harming again. It was only one time around a week ago and she did not harm herself last night, though she tried to. Don't worry about her though because Stef and I are handling it and getting her help. Know that this was not your fault at all and there is no way you could have stopped her. Got it little dude?"

Jude fought back his tears "Okay. Can I talk to you and mom for a second?"

Lena knew what was coming. "Sure, we can just go downstairs."

Jude couldn't believe he was actually about to follow through with this. There was no turning back now, he thought. Walking down the stairwell seemed like an eternity until they finally arrived in the living room.

"Hey Stef, Jude wants to talk to us." Lena raised her eyebrows so Jude couldn't see and Stef returned the look.

"Okay, what is it sweets?" Stef said, devoting her full attention on the 12 year old

Jude shifted in his seat. "I heard you guys talking in the Kitchen earlier and I just wanted to let you know that um… I don't like girls." Jude thought for a moment at what he said. "Wait, I like girls , I love girls I just don't like girls."

Stef stifled a laugh at the awkwardness of their son. "You heard us talking earlier?"

"Yea, I came down for a glass of water and you were all talking about me."

"Oh baby, I'm sorry, It's just we didn't want you to be hiding anything. I'm proud of you now though!"

Lena patted Jude on his lap "Me too!"

"Alright, good night!" and Jude went back up the stairs. When he got in his room he released the breath he had been holding that whole conversation. He was happy that he did not have to hide anything from his moms anymore.

"Shocker" Stef said sarcastically to her wife.

Lena playfully hit Stef and gave her a kiss on the cheek. "Alright my love, I am going to go check on Callie and I will come back and tell you everything that happened tonight. Pop some popcorn because this is a real shocker."

Stef settled into the couch and mumbled "Nothing shocks me anymore."

**Okay what did you guys think? Leave it in the reviews box! Tell me how im doing! And don't forget to leave some suggestions!**

**XOXO Katie**


	9. Chapter 9

**Note: Hey guys! I am loving the review I am getting so much! I feel famous :3. I tried to add some drama with Callie cutting behind their backs and of course I know she isn't going to be able to stop just like that *Snaps*. Anyways, I hope you like it and leave some good reviews! **

Callie rushed to her room to go to her only friend. She unzipped the hidden pocket in her backpack and found her trusty razor. "You were always there for me" She thought to herself. She twirled it in her fingers a few times to make sure it would be able to do the job. Making sure she had a black washcloth to stop the bleeding in hand, she quickly made 3 jagged lines across her left forearm. They were deep, just the way she liked them. A smile came across her lips as she pressed the washcloth to her bleeding wrist, it had worked. She felt better, numb, even if it were only for a few moments. Once the bleeding was under control, she yanked down her sweater and jumped into bed; she was expecting Lena any second now.

*Knock Knock* "Hey, I just wanted to come by and make sure everything was alright. Do you need anything before I leave?"

Like clockwork, Callie thought to herself. She shifted under the covers "Nope, I think I'm good, thanks for checking!" She had always been a good liar.

"Alright, I'll see you in the morning!" Lena exclaimed as she left the room.

Callie fell asleep fairly early that night. She was content with that night's accomplishments. Everything was fine with getting ready the next morning until it was time to pick out clothes. "Long Sleeves or Bracelets?" Callie though to herself. The cuts didn't span too long so bracelets would almost work but she figured she would wait for them to fade some and picked out a purple sweater from her closet.

Marianna was back that morning and getting ready. She wondered why Callie was turning toward the wall; she had never been self-conscious about changing before. "Are you alright? You've never faced towards the wall before" Mari said concerned.

"Yea, just bloating." Callie shrugged.

Marianna was convinced and escorted Callie down the staircase with her to breakfast. "Morning moms!" Marianna said cheerily."

Stef smiled at the two teens standing in the doorway of the kitchen. She was happy they were getting along now. Stef stopped spreading cream cheese on her bagel "Hey babies."

Callie started to brew a cup of coffee when Lena stopped her.

"It's supposed to be pretty warm today, are you going to be ok wearing that?" Lena questioned. She considered the possibility that Callie had self-harmed but there was no way; she had made sure she went to sleep safe.

"Yea, I wasn't really planning on going outside. Besides, it's too late to change now." Callie claimed. For a second she thought she had been caught. But she decided her moms didn't know enough about self-harm to know.

The rest of breakfast went pretty dully as usual. The 3 brothers joined before long and Jude looked happier than usual. When everyone was finished, Jude stated that he had an announcement to make. "I've already told moms about this." Jude said "And you guys might have already known but…I uh…I'm Gay." He hesitated in saying the last part. He had never actually said the words. When he told Lena and Stef he just said he likes boys. Almost immediately he felt better; like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders.

Everyone congratulated him on how proud he was. This made Jude feel even better. When everyone parted their ways he caught Callie. "So you're not mad at me?" Jude worried his sister would not approve of him.

"Me being mad at you? I don't even think that is possible. You are who you are and I could never judge you for that. I'm proud of you Jude." Callie ruffled Jude's hair before he ran up to the boy's room. "If anything," Callie thought "Jude should be mad at me."

Monday was Callie's first session with her new therapist, Dr. Larson. The first hour was a one on one with Callie and Dr. Larson, and Lena and Stef were invited in for the last 30 minutes. For the first session they basically just talked about background information. Callie told her up front about her mother's death, all the foster homes her and Jude had bounced to and from, the rape, and her self-harm. Lena and Stef told her about the trial, and the recent incident when Callie was trying to cut herself.

Callie felt guilty the whole time. She could feel her cuts throb each time she lied and said she hadn't self-harmed since the first time Lena caught her. Something caught her ear that she played off like it was normal; she heard Stef say that she used to self-harm back in her teen days when she was dealing with her dad.

Callie said a simple "oh" but Lena made quite a bigger reaction.

"What? Why is this the first time I've ever heard of this?" Lena was shocked to hear that this person, her wife and partner of 10 years, had been a self-harmer and she didn't know.

"Honey please, it wasn't all that important. I was like 16 and it's over besides, this is Callie's session not marriage counseling." Stef had on her cool expression as always.

The rest of the session went on with more talk of Lena and Stef's work and how Callie had been doing in school. When they finally got home later that night Lena lashed out at Stef.

"How come you never told me? Don't you think that might be a good piece of information to know before you get a domestic partnership or a marriage with someone?" Lena was shooting the look at her.

"What, so you're saying you wouldn't marry me if you knew? There is your answer right there on why I didn't tell you!" Stef was in utter shock that her wife was reacting like this to a simple thing that happened in High School.

"No, it's just…I'm sorry Stef. It just would have been nice to know so I could have helped you." Lena felt as if all the people she loved were just crumbling before her very eyes.

"No, you couldn't have! I was 16 when I started and 18 when I stopped! I met you when I was 32. How could you have possibly helped me?" Stef glanced over to find that Callie was now watching a reality show on TV.

"Okay. So you're completely done right?" Lena asked. She didn't want to say it out loud but she knew she couldn't handle having two cutters in the house.

Stef nodded and gave Lena a quick kiss "Of course my love."

Lena made her way into the living room with Stef following close behind. She plopped down right next to the teen watching Dance Moms. "I think X-Factor is on right now."

Callie knew that was their favorite show to watch together so she picked up the remote. The TV wouldn't pick up the signal at first so she did the whole arm swinging thing to change the channel. Her arm was fully extended forward when her sleeve must have rolled up because she heard Lena move forward and ask "What's that?"


	10. Chapter 10

"Fuck" Callie whispered to herself. She had always been so good at hiding her cuts but this time they were fully exposed. When she realized the fresh marks were out in the open she dropped the remote and yanked the sleeve of her sweater down. "Oh, nothing just…um, you guys don't have a cat do you?" She chuckled at her own joke but her moms weren't in the mood.

Lena tried to talk through the tears welling up in her eyes. "When was it?" she croaked. How could she have possibly let this happen? She never left Callie's side.

Stef placed her hand on Lena's knee. She was surprised that her wife was showing more emotion at this point than Callie.

Callie cleared her throat "The other day when you went to go talk to Jude for a while and left me up in my room." She felt as if she were standing naked before her two moms. This, she thought, would probably be the case soon if they were going to start checking her body for cuts.

Tears were now pouring down Lena's cheeks. "How could I have let this happen? I knew I shouldn't have left you alone up there." At this point Lena was just rambling on what she could have done better, she was blaming herself.

Stef squeezed her hand. "Hey sweetie, don't beat yourself up." She looked back at Callie who looked somewhat uncomfortable "Oh, sorry, bad choice of words." Stef's heart was breaking for this teen. She was cutting every time she had a sliver of time alone. "Hey, Lena, can I talk to Callie for a little bit."

Lena nodded and sped off to their bedrooms.

"She always was a little bit of a sap." Stef exclaimed, trying to lighten the mood a little.

Callie chucked while looking down with her hand buried under her legs. She was so embarrassed. What kind of a person was she to have to cut every time your mom's aren't looking? All she wanted right now was her bed. Everything lately was exhausting her.

Stef scooted next to her on the couch. "I'll just sit next to you so we don't have to make eye contact. That may be awkward for you, it always was for me." Stef attempted to rub Callie's shoulder but Callie flinched away. "Mind to tell me what you were thinking when that happened?" She said as she pointed to Callie's left wrist.

Every part of Callie's body was on high alert right now. All of her muscles were tensed up and she was prepared to defend herself from anything. This always happened to her whenever someone was talking to her alone. "Jude knows. I passed by Lena and him talking in your room and he asked her if I was cutting again. I must be the worst sister in the world to expose him to that. What happens if he thinks it is okay to start self-harming? Anyways, I couldn't breathe and when Lena left me alone…" Callie trailed off, not wanting to give Stef any details. "Well I guess you don't need the details. _You_ would already know."

Stef took in a sharp breath at the mention of her old self-harming days. "Yea, about that, I just want you to know that I am finished with all of that. I didn't have anyone to talk to and it was excruciating. That is why I want to be there for you at all times. And also, I would appreciate it if your brothers and sister don't hear about this.

Callie nodded "Of course, I wouldn't want you telling them anything about my past…even though they already know I guess." She was referring to the Liam trial and how the whole family was there.

"They know about Liam but we don't have to tell them about this okay?" Stef was pleased to find out that when she went to pat Callie on the knee she didn't tense up. "Okay we are getting off track here. So why didn't you come to Lena or me?"

Callie shrugged. "You were talking to Jude." The solution seemed simple enough to her.

Stef's face melted. "Oh my sweet child, I'm so sorry, if I had known…" She felt incredibly guilty for leaving Callie alone with no one there to calm her down.

Callie shrugged again. "Its fine, you guys shouldn't have to babysit me all the time. It's my fault.

"This isn't your fault Callie. How about we get you to bed and we will discuss some things in the morning okay? I'll walk you."

Stef entered the master bedroom pleased to find that Lena had calmed down quite a bit. "I put Callie to bed and I told her we would discuss some more things tomorrow." She lied down on the bed next to her wife and planted a kiss on her cheek.

"What did you say to her? What are we talking about tomorrow? Is she okay right now?" Lena was frantically asking questions. For some reason she thought that Callie would be magically cured after one therapy session.

"Lena sweetie, slow down! Callie is fine, she is going to sleep now and Mari is in the room with her. I just asked Callie what happened and told her to come bother us whenever she needs to. And I figured tomorrow we would discuss what steps need to be taken as far as making sure she doesn't self-harm." Stef yanked the blanket back over to her side. Lena had always been a blanket whore.

Lena seemed to relax more knowing her daughter was doing okay. For a while she though Stef was just really good with distressed teens but after she learned about her partner's past today, she knew it was personal for Stef. "So…what are we going to do to make sure she doesn't…you know"

Stef turned to face Lena "I figured the first thing we would do is go through her room and the bathroom and take away all of the tools she could use. I feel bad for invading her privacy but it's what needs to be done. And then I thought we could start…checking her for marks every week or so." Stef didn't want to let up that this was exactly what her Mom did to her when she was a teen.

"Sounds good to me" Lena responded.

Stef smiled and turned to face the other way before her smile faded into a frown. She hoped that she would be able to control herself when going through Callie's tools. Blades were her biggest trigger.

**NOTE: You guys are seriously the best fans in the world. I love every single one of your reviews and they are so cute and sweet! I wish I could just hug every single one of you! Make sure you keep leaving suggestions and reviews and I'll see ya next chapter!**

** Xoxo **

**Katie **


	11. Chapter 11

Callie stood up at the breakfast table that Sunday morning "May I be excused?"

Stef could not be sure where she was going and what she planned to do so she waved the teen to sit down and said "Absolutely not, stay here with the family. Besides, me and Lena have to talk to you afterwards."

Callie slumped down in her chair. She wasn't looking forward to this talk from Lena and Stef. "Okay, fine." She mumbled.

When breakfast was over Stef managed to herd everyone out of the kitchen and into their rooms as Lena prepared Callie for the talk. "Okay, I don't want you to get mad when we tell you any of this. I promise you there is no way you will get taken out of this house and we are doing all of this to help keep you safe." Lena talked to Callie as if she were in kindergarten

The teen's anxiety grew with each phrase Lena said. This must be something really bad if Lena had to keep repeating not to get mad and that they love her. After what seemed like hours, Stef returned and sat next to her wife. Finally the blonde spoke "Where do we start?" she was nervously tapping her toes on the tile. She was afraid Callie would hate them after the precautions they are going to take. Stef still hadn't fully forgave her mom for taking away all of her tools when she was 17.

"Guys, could you please just say it? You're making me really apprehensive." Callie was annoyed and wanted to know what the hell they were talking about "So…what is my punishment?"

Lena was quick to respond "It is not a punishment. We realize you hurt and we want to get you help so we are taking some…extra precautions to keep you from hurting yourself again. First thing is we are definitely telling Dr. Larson about this."

Callie groaned. She knew that there would be many questions to come that she did not want to answer from her therapist. God, why couldn't she just be stronger and not cut? Or be cleverer to hide it she thought.

"And we are going to take away your um…" Lena didn't know how to refer to whatever she was using to hurt herself. She looked to Stef who, even though it bothered her, would know what to say.

Stef cleared her throat. "Tools, we are going to um go through your stuff and take them away to make sure you don't hurt yourself. Please, please know that we are doing this for your own good." It hurt her so much to do this to the teen. A part of her still wanted to be the girl on tumblr giving people like her advice on what blades to buy and how to bandage fresh cuts. But no, she thought, there are better ways to deal with this and Callie needs to learn them.

This was so unfair, Callie thought. She hoped they know that a self-harmer will always find a way to get the job done. They were just choosing the hard way. Callie looked up and she saw the pain in Stef's brown eyes. Could she be? No, Callie thought. Stef had quit self-harming a long time ago and there is no way a teenager that she practically just met could trigger her.

Lena grasped her wife's hand under the kitchen table. This must be hard for her. How was she going to handle going through Callie's blades? Lena shook off the thought and reminded herself that Stef had fully recovered a long time ago. "And we will be checking every week for cuts."

Callie couldn't believe this was happening to her. How would she be able to self-harm if they checked her every week? She could always buy new blades but she hoped they only checked her wrists.

Stef swallowed. She knew the time had come to go through Callie's blades. Breathe, she thought, you can make it through this. "Okay girls, ready to go into Callie's room?"

**NOTE: Hey guys, make sure to keep reviewing! I really want to know how I am doing. The next Chapter will be about Stef fighting back old triggers while going through Callie's tools. I am open to any suggestions you may have for the story or the next chapter. I still love you and I hope you are sticking to the story! I love the whole Fosters Family!**

**xoxo Katie**


	12. Chapter 12

Callie sat next to Marianna on her bed. When Stef entered the room she pointed to the Latino daughter and said "Out Miss thang, go bond with one of your brothers or something."

Marianna closed the top on her laptop and whined "Why? I was trying to catch up on Teen Wolf!" The teen thought it was unfair that her moms were kicking her out of her own room but when she saw the serious look on their faces she gathered her things and left. "Fine, I'll just go watch Twilight with Jude."

She sped out of the room before Lena could share her concern with a 12 year old watching Twilight. "Okay." She sighed. "I guess, Callie you can sit there and we will…"

"Completely invade my privacy by going through all my things and taking my possessions?" Callie knew she was being a bitch but she was pissed off and this was her last attempt at getting her moms to change their mind.

"Very funny" Lena walked over to Callie's side of the room "So we can do this the easy way, where you tell us where they are and this is over faster, or the hard way, where we go through all of your stuff. Your choice" Lena was hoping she would choose the easy way because she could see the pain on Stef's face build.

"There is one under the mattress, one under that candle, three in the smallest pocket of my bag, and one behind that picture." She pointed to each one as she named it. Callie hoped this would be over quick because she was already uncomfortable.

Stef marched to the vanilla scented candle and lifted it. There it was; the piece of metal that had been her friend for so many years. When she looked at the shining trapezoid she heard it calling to her. "I know you miss me." It said. Stef tried hard to keep her breathing normal but it felt as if everything was closing in around her and the only thing in the world was her and the blade.

Callie couldn't help but notice how long Stef was staring at the blade before she finally picked it up and threw it into a Ziploc bag. Callie wondered if Stef thought about keeping it for her own use at all. Probably, she thought, once a cutter always a cutter.

Lena took her time scoping out the whole frame of the bed for more than one blade before she finally lowered the twin sized mattress. One part of her was surprised that the teen was actually telling the truth about the location and quantity of the razors. When she turned around Stef was slowly placing the silver scrap into the plastic bag she brought along. Lena passed by her, dropping the one she found into the bag next to the other.

Stef wondered why Lena put her of all people in charge of holding the blades. Didn't she know tools were her biggest trigger? Oh yea, she didn't. When Stef carefully unzipped the smallest zipper on the teen's leather bag she almost lost it. She reached into the pocket and her finger grazed the sharp end of one of them. This was not enough to leave a mark but enough to have Stef freak out.

Callie was scrolling through Instagram when she heard Stef let out a gasp and stand up. She locked her phone and set it down. By this point Stef was not breathing well.

"Stef, Are you alright?" Lena asked her wife.

Stef started to violently shake her head no. She was far from being alright. Stef was full on triggered and she only needed one thing in the moment. The supplies were all right there in a plastic bag but she thought of all the people she would be letting down. Instead, she dropped the bag and sped out of the room.

Callie knew that she was probably the only one who would be able to handle this. Lena would probably freak out seeing her wife triggered for the first time and none of the kids would know how to handle it so Callie took off after the woman. "I should probably…"

Lena nodded. She had never seen her wife in such a state before. Lena wasn't sure what to do so she collected the rest of Callie's blade and sat on her bed. She didn't quite understand how a person could still be triggered if she quit decades ago. Lena knew that Stef had a bad life but everything was fixed now right? Apparently everything can come back to haunt you once it is all said and done.

When Callie reached the foot of the stairs she saw the blonde exit through the sliding screen door and into the backyard. Callie didn't want Stef leaving the property and going to do something, so she ran out of the house. "Stef, wait up!" Callie yelled after her mom just in time to see the women plop down under the huge oak tree.

Stef needed fresh air and space to breathe. She started violently yanking handfuls of grass out of the ground. When Stef felt calmed down she placed her hands on her knees and let out a huge sigh.

"Is it planting season?" Callie said as she pointed to the now bare patch of earth in front of Stef.

Stef chuckled. "Are you sure you're not mine?"

"I've been thinking that more and more recently." Callie noticed just how much they had in common.

"Yea, anyways…I'm sorry for all this. I didn't mean to…" Stef trailed off. This was pretty embarrassing. She hadn't been triggered since she told Mike that she was gay.

Callie interrupted the silence "Let me guess, blades trigger you? Don't apologize. At least you have the self-control to restrain yourself from actually doing anything."

Stef looked down at the grass and then into the house. "I know, I'm just thinking of poor Lena right now. She must be traumatized." Stef knew Lena didn't handle things well when loved ones were in trouble.

Callie seized this as an opportunity to ask the question she had been pondering ever since she found out about Stef's previous self-harming. "Which reminds me, why didn't you ever tell Lena about you? She is the love of your life; don't you think she deserved to know?"

Stef sighed "I don't know I was embarrassed. I wanted to be independent and I didn't want to be worried about. For a while I actually thought Lena would refrain from marrying me if she knew."

"That's crazy…" Callie couldn't imagine Stef or Lena being with anyone but each other and she knew that nothing, especially something that happened over a decade ago, could ruin their love for each other.

Stef nodded "I know that now. Anyways, I know how much it sucks. I mean how we are doing all of this. My mom did the same to me."

"I figured. Did your dad ever know about anything?" Callie knew that Stef always talked about how her mom helped her quit but she never heard anything about Stef's dad.

Stef looked up at the brunette teen "My dad could care less. In his mind, homosexuals deserve to have this done to them. He was proud of me for punishing myself so he didn't have to." Stef never talked about her dad, not even to Lena, but something about this teen who had had a life as hard as her own made her feel safe.

Callie was shocked at the behavior of Stef's dad. She was glad that Jude will always have a home better than Stef's growing up. "Wow. What a dick head. So, are we playing 'Who's Life Sucks More?'" Callie laughed at her own joke as she tried to lighten the mood.

Stef laughed herself. "Yep, you are definitely my child. Besides, you would win. Now it is my turn to ask personal questions. Before us, did anyone ever notice that you self-harm?" Stef couldn't imagine this girl cutting for 2 years without anyone saying anything.

Callie knew this question would come sooner or later. "Apparently Jude did but he never said anything to me. But other than him nobody noticed. Or at least they didn't care. No one ever really cared about what I did to myself so I kept doing it and um… here I am."

Stef got up from her place and walked over to Callie. She helped her up and looked her straight in the eye. "We will always care Callie. So you better get used to it. Thanks for coming out here, talking with you really helped. I love you Callie." Stef pulled Callie into a giant bear hug.

"I love you too, Mama Stef"

**NOTE: You guys were really quiet last chapter... BE LOUDER! No, seriously. I got a few suggestions and I tried to weave them in here. I worked really hard on this chapter and i hope you guys like it! Thanks to the person who helped me with my writers block, you know who you are :) Keep the reviews and suggestions coming and I will see you next chapter!**

**xoxo Katie**


	13. Chapter 13

After what seemed like hours, Stef pulled out of the hug. "I guess we should go inside. Lena is probably pulling her hair out in clumps." She really didn't want to go talk to her wife right now but it beat staying out in the extreme humidity.

"Agreed, the mosquitos are storming me now." Callie made her trek for the back door where they found Lena standing worriedly in the kitchen looking out the window.

As Stef entered Lena felt an overwhelming sense of relief come over her. She was happy that Stef didn't get to…do anything. "Stef baby, I was so worried! Are you alright?" Lena engulfed the blonde woman into a ginormous hug. "I finished Callie's room" she whispered into Stef's ear.

Stef pushed Lena off of her "Yes, I'm fine honey. I'm sorry I just needed some space. I should have told you before that blades make me uncomfortable. It won't happen again" At least she hoped it wouldn't.

"You have to tell me these things Stef! If Callie weren't here…God knows what would have happened." Lena couldn't imagine trying to save Stef from herself.

Stef sighed "I would have sat outside for a while and came back inside. I have a lot more self-control than you think sweets." She hated how all self-harmers recovered or not, were shoved into this little box of having no self-control.

Callie cleared her throat, trying to break up the fight that was about to happen. "Um… did you finish?"

Lena interrupted the teen "yes."

"What do we do now…?" Callie asked, feeling the awkwardness in the conversation.

"Well I guess we can start the checks today and do them every Saturday? We know about the ones on the arm but it wouldn't hurt to check still you know?" Lena wasn't sure how to do this. "I guess we can let you pick who you want to do them or both of unless Stef doesn't want to." This was the most subtle way for Lena to ask if Stef was triggered by cuts. Her guess was that they don't because Stef had seen Callie's marks many times before and she was fine.

Callie didn't want to make Lena feel bad but she was really only comfortable with Stef doing them. She loved Lena just the same but Stef knew what she had been through. "Would it be okay if I could have Stef do them?" the teenager asked meekly.

Lena was relieved she had picked her wife because honestly, she didn't know how she would do them. Stef had mentioned her mother did this to her before so she figured she knew what to do. "Yea, that's perfect. I totally understand" Lena patted Callie on the back and continued "Do you guys want to go in the master bedroom? I'll go check on the kids."

Callie nodded. She was more nervous than she had ever been. How would Stef carry this out? Would she have to get fully naked? As they entered the bedroom she was shaking. "So… um… I hope this isn't as bad as I think it will be." Callie tried to laugh it off.

Stef could see the worry rising in the teen "The first time is really awkward and terrible but it gets better from there. Sorry. So um… Ugh I am making this awkward I am just going to say it." Stef was not the only uncomfortable one in the room, but she knew this had to be done.

Callie nodded. Great, she thought, this is going to suck.

Stef sat on the bed and cleared her throat "Okay um…so I guess strip down to your underwear. I'll just give you the lecture so we don't have to do this fully naked. There are a ton of blood vessels under your underwear and you really do not want to cut there. The bleeding is really hard to stop and it's horrible. I am going to trust you not to do it but if I find out you are then this will get really awkward really fast okay?" Stef hoped she was taking the awkwardness of the situation down by being somewhat humorous.

Callie managed to let out an Okay as she started removing articles of clothing. She felt all the way naked in front of Stef. Her deepest secrets were out in the open in front of everyone.

Stef's eyes immediately landed on the tens of marks on the teenager's thighs. "Recent, like really recent. This morning even? Because it was definitely not yesterday they would have healed somewhat by today."

This was what Callie was so worried about. She slipped up this morning and just kept going at it on her thighs. She only intended it to be one but she couldn't stop. "Sorry."

Stef sighed. "Callie, what do we keep saying? Come to us! You have to come to us. Come to me! You cannot keep suffering through this alone! Listen, you have therapy tomorrow so I want you to talk about this and if you don't then I will bring it up okay? Turn around."

Callie apologized again and spun around. She felt so stripped, so bare. She hated this so much. When Stef gave her the go ahead, she quickly yanked her clothes back on and went into the bathroom in the hall. She started sobbing while looking at herself in the mirror. The water was running so that no one would hear her quiet sobs. She reached into her back pocket and grasped a piece of metal. The last survivor; she brought it to her face and debated whether or not to go give it to Stef. No, she thought, it had to be used one last time. She pulled down her jeans and underwear slightly and made two careful marks on her hipbone. It didn't bleed as much as Stef said it would. She pressed toilet paper to it until it stopped bleeding and flushed it down the toilet. The blade was shoved back into her jean pocket as she exited the bathroom with a smile. She loved the way her jeans rubbed up against the fresh cuts.

Lena flopped on the bed next to her lover "How'd it go?"

"Awkward; Good, but awkward. How are my other babies?" Stef softly stroked Lena's curls.

"Marianna and Jude are swooning over Vampires and Werewolves, Brandon is reading a book, and Jesus is listening to music on his computer." Lena turned to face Stef

"Well it sounds like everyone is doing well. Listen, Callie had some marks on her thighs and they were from this morning. I talked to her and told her she had to talk about it in therapy tomorrow. I just thought you should know" Stef tried to sound as nonchalant as possible when talking about self-harm.

Lena sighed and melted into the chest of Stef. "I feel like I have nothing to do with Callie. She loves you and acts like I don't exist."

"Honey, she loves you just as much as she loves me. It's just…we can relate to one another which I think makes her more comfortable around me. Especially after today."

"Which reminds me, what the hell happened today? You scared the living shit out of me Stef."

"Blades really trigger me a lot and I thought I could handle it but one of them kind of grazed me on the finger when I reached into her bag and it freaked me out. Everything closed in around me and I needed fresh air. I went outside and Callie came out to calm me down. It was nice. I realized that she is pretty much the same person I was when I was a teenager. I told her some stuff that I have never shared with anyone; she told me some stuff that remained a secret to her too. It was like a slumber party." Stef laughed.

"Okay then. Callie really is a treasure isn't she?"

"You don't even know."

The next day, Lena woke up early to do laundry. It helped her to clear her mind of everything. She was about to throw a pair of navy blue skinny jeans in the dark load when she felt something in one of the back pockets. Callie must have left her library card or something in her pocket, Lena figured. She pulled it out to return it to the teenager and she quickly realized it was not a library card. She knew exactly what it was.

**NOTE: heeey! So I gave you guys a pretty long chapter didn't I? I shouldn't have because I only got like 2 reviews for the last chapter but I was feeling nice. We had some arguing, we had some awkwardness, we had some cuteness, and finally a cliffhanger! I hope you enjoyed and I will update pretty soon if you leave a lot of reviews but if there is only like 1 then I guess I will just have to leave you hanging :P Love you all!**

**Xoxo Katie**


	14. Chapter 14

**NOTE: Hey guys, sorry I haven't posted in a while! Blame school for that :P anyways I needed a lot of time to think about how I wanted to handle this and I am sorry if it does not sound very realistic/good. I have also decided to give POV writing a try, so this chapter will be done in first person. Tell me how you like it. Without further ado, I give you Chapter 14!**

Lena's POV:

Shit. I cannot believe Callie lied to us and kept one of her blades. Did she use it? Are there any more that she kept? I need to tell Stef, she will know how to handle this. But if I tell Stef will she become triggered again? GOD I cannot do this anymore! Why can't I just have a normal family? I decide that I have been staring at this blade to long and slip it into the back pocket of my skinny jeans. I wish I could understand why she does this to herself.

Stopping my train of thought, the washer lets out a blaring noise that tells me it's time to put in the next load. Once it's in, I head downstairs to prepare a nice breakfast.

Stef's POV:

I wake up and reach for my wife out of instinct. She is not there. It is 6:00 AM; she is usually fast asleep at this hour.

"Lena?" I ask to the empty space. I don't know why I did; she is clearly not there.

I get out of bed and throw on some clothes; I wouldn't want to scar any of the kids. Wearing a tank top and some pajama pants, I trek down the stairs. The sweet smell of waffles hits me when I reach the bottom.

"You're up early"

Lena's POV:

Stef's voice startles me and I jump. She laughs and apologizes for frightening me

"No problem. I am just jumpy this morning, that's all." I don't tell her why. Not yet at least. She gives me a worried look, the one she gives Brandon when he is upset.

"I'll tell you later. Can you wake the kids up?" I slide a 4th waffle onto a plate.

Stef's POV:

"Tell me now! Besides, we shouldn't be waking the kids up this early, breakfast is at 7:30 remember?"

I am starting to get worried about Lena. She acted like she was hiding something when I entered the kitchen. Does this have to do with Callie? Most of the major news recently did. Today would be a hard day in therapy for her. So much had happened since her last session. I told her therapist about everything that had happened since the last session but I left out the part where I got triggered. I know she would probably just throw me in therapy as well, and I CANNOT go through that again.

Lena's POV:

My heart thuds in my ears. I have to make a decision right now, Stef is getting impatient. Do I do the right thing and show my wife the blade? Or should I try to protect her by keeping it to myself. Either way I have to confront Callie about this. But Stef is her mother too, shouldn't she know?

At the end of my personal debate session I decide to show Stef the blade. I turn off the stove and look her dead in the eye. "Maybe you should sit down."

I sat across from Stef at the Kitchen table and took a deep breath. My hand reached into the back pocket of my jeans and pulled out the silver piece of metal. I placed it on the table, away from Stef's reach.

"I found this in Callie's back pocket when I was doing laundry today."

Stef's POV:

My eyes fixate on the blade. Callie lied to us. She lied to me. Had she …done anything with that? Are there more?

"Oh my…Do you think?" I couldn't even finish the sentence. My head couldn't wrap around the thought that my poor baby was hurting and I wasn't there to save her again. Lena looks like she could throw up; she is probably worried about me after what happened the other day.

"We should probably talk to Callie about this before her session today" Lena nodded and I headed upstairs preparing myself for yet another deep conversation.

Callie's POV:

I jolt awake at the touch of someone. My hands instinctively clasp around an arm until I realize it is none other than Stef. She shoots me a sorrowful face.

"Sorry…reflex." I feel guilty that my own conscience's first reaction was to defend myself against my own mother.

I glance at the red LED clock it is 6:38, I'm not supposed to wake up for another 45 minutes.

Worry rushes through me when Stef says that she and Lena need to talk to me downstairs. How could they have possibly known that I cut on my hip? I try to think positively, maybe it is something good.

All of the blood drains from my face when I see one of my blades sitting on the kitchen table. I automatically start to think of excuses to use but none come to me.

Lena's POV:

"Well?" I saw the horror in Callie's eyes when I looked up. She looked like she had just seen a ghost. "Do you have an explanation for me?"

She waited a while before shaking her head no. I guess she couldn't come up with a lie good enough. I want to ask her if she used it but she would most likely say no either way.

Stef places an arm on my shoulder "We can talk about this at your session today, go get dressed."

I am always amazed about how smoothly Stef can always handle serious situations like this. She's a keeper.

Callie's POV:

The rest of the day went as planned. I was hoping it would last longer so I wouldn't have to go to therapy.

When we arrived at the doctor's office all three of us waited until Dr. Larson entered the waiting room and made eye contact. "Callie?" She said it in such a cheerful way. I can't believe she can be that happy when she is carrying the weight of everyone else's problems on her shoulders.

I stood up and she looked at my moms. "You guys can join us around 7:30"

Lena grasped Stef's hand "We'll be right here!"

Their love for each other is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. It's a shame I will never be loved like that. We walk into her small office and I sit in my usual spot near the window. It is the only place in the room where I can see both the door and the window, possible entry points.

The session went alright, nothing major until I heard a question that I thought was pretty dumb.

"Why do you do it?" Ms. Larson asked me. I just looked up and shrugged my shoulders. She kept eye contact with me. While writing down on her notepad she asked me again "Why do you do it? You know I can't bring in your moms until you tell me."

"WELL WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO SAY?" I was yelling at her for asking such a stupid question "It's not like I want to continue to do it…" I said in a much lower voice.

I crossed my arms around my chest "Callie, I know you don't want to, but telling me why is part of your recovery process."

For a minute, I didn't say a word, mentally making a cricket noise in my head. "Do you really want to know why I choose to take a razor to my own wrists so often?" With no response from her, I take that as an invitation to continue. "I-I guess I just want to feel something. It's my escape. I can't burden others with my problems so I bleed them out. For one moment, I am feeling a pain that is not in my heart."

I look up at her and notice that she is not even looking at me! But instead she is writing on that stupid damn yellow pad again. Irritated, I ask, "Isn't this the part where you say something smart to me?"

Smiling at me, she takes a sip of her coffee and goes back to writing. As I roll my eyes I just lay back and wait for her to say something.

"Well, continue." She finally says.

"What?! But I answered your damn question already!" I get up and grab my bag. As I am midway through the door I yell, "YOU KNOW I DON'T NEED YOUR STUPID ADVICE ANYWAYS! I WAS BETTER OFF ON MY OWN WHEN NO ONE KNEW ME. WHEN I WAS STILL INVISIBLE!'

"Were you better on your own Callie? Because it seems to me like you just want to be found."

Without one word, I walk out with tears rolling down my face.

"Callie! Wait up!" I hear Lena scream

I walk even faster and run down the hall into the bathroom

"Hey, Callie! Come on, open up!" She runs into the bathroom after me.

"GO AWAY LENA! I don't want to talk to you! Just leave me alone!" I say while stumbling into the small dirty stalls. I don't deserve my mom's. I'm such a terrible daughter…why would anyone want to stick by my side? My vision is blurry now with all the tears that just don't seem to stop I take my bag and search for my favorite object. My only door to reality.

I hear the voices of Stef and Dr. Larson enter the room. I have to make this quick.

**Note: SOOO… How'd you like it? Tell me in the reviews which style of writing you like better so I can know for next time! Also leave some suggestions and comments! Love you all! MWAH**

**Xoxo Katie**


	15. Chapter 15

The blade is touching Callie's wrist when she hears a cry from Stef

"Callie, think about what you are doing! Open up, please!" Begging Callie was Stef's last resort. This was urgent and the only thing she could do was plead.

Lena and Dr. Larson watched in shock as Stef pressed against Callie's stall door and talked to the teen. It was sad but oddly beautiful at the same time.

At this point Stef was speaking, her voice soothing Callie, through the stall door. "You are so, so much better than this. Please, just put it down. We can talk about this."

The dirty stall door slowly creaked out to reveal the broken teen with mascara running down her face and her sleeves up, with no marks. She held out the blade to Stef offering it up, but Stef flinched away.

"Oh yeah, sorry." Callie immediately tried to get rid of it when Lena came up next to her and scooped it away.

Stef shook her head and engulfed Callie into a ginormous hug. "You are so strong."

Dr. Larson was touched at the sight of true family. She was amazed just how much support this young client had. She took in a deep breath and broke the silence "Do you guys want to continue our session? We have 20 minutes left and I would love to have all three of you join me.

This was the last thing Callie wanted to do right now but she decided to face her demons and re-enter the small office. She sat in between Stef and Lena on the couch, not in her normal spot. Callie knew that her moms would be able to keep her safe from any harm.

Stef was the first to speak up. "Well that was, uh… interesting." She did not look Dr. Larson straight in the eye; therapists still gave her the creeps.

Dr. Larson fixed her gaze on the blonde "explain"

Stef chuckled to herself, she knew the drill. You can't get away with saying anything unexplained in therapy. "I wasn't expecting Callie to come running out, that's all."

"That is understandable. Sometimes people surprise you."

Callie felt incredibly guilty for what just happened. This made everyone uncomfortable and now she had to talk about it. "Yeah, sorry, I was just mad I guess."

"Mad?" Dr. Larson questioned "What were you angry about?"

"Can we talk about it next week? Confidentiality?" Callie didn't want to get into this right now. Frankly, she just wanted to go home.

"That's okay. What do you want to talk about?"

Lena spoke her first words in quite a while "How about I fill you in on everything that happened? Okay, so last week Callie self-harmed again and we found out so we decided to take greater measures this time. We went through her room and took away all her blades and we have started checking her once a week for cuts. Anyways, we thought all of the blades were gone but this morning when I was doing laundry I found a blade in the pocket of Callie's jeans. And I thought that we got rid of all her blades, so I was really surprised when I found the blade and I showed it to Stef and we talked to Callie a little bit but I thought we could address it here. I can't believe that we found a blade—"

"Stop saying blade. " Stef couldn't take this anymore and she felt like she was getting triggered. She saw Dr. Larson scribble something down on her yellow legal pad. "Please."

Callie tensed up when they talked about her blades. Of course she tried to keep them, they helped her through her roughest spots. How would she survive without them? Callie needed those to keep her alive

Dr. Larson looked up from her notes. "You guys tried to take away her tools? That might not be the best thing for Callie. She feels as if her razors are the only things there for her and it would be bad for her to take them away. If we take them all away she will find a way, somehow, to cut and it might be worse. What we need to do is build a strong support system for Callie. Make sure to remind her every day that you care, and you are there for her. She has my number, too. "

Lena became outraged. "Can we still check her for cuts?"

Dr. Larson agreed that would be okay "Yes, that will be fine. Don't get angry if there are new ones though. Ask her how she felt before she cut and give her new ways to cope."

Stef's breathing had quickened. She needed to get out of that room, right away. This was way too hard for her. So many memories were being brought to the surface in this session.

The therapist checked the time "I think that is all the time we have for today. I look forward to seeing you next week!" She watched the 3 women walk out of the room, but she pulled Stef back. Out of earshot from the others, she proceeded to ask the blonde women "I can set up an individual appointment for you. You looked like you might be having a serious relapse in there. Especially with what happened last week; Callie told me."

Stef violently shook her head no and slapped on a fake smile "I'm fine, thanks. I can control myself. We are solely here for Callie."

Dr. Larson was not convinced. She slipped Stef her card and said "Okay, but I am only one phone call away, just in case you don't go to Callie first."

Stef nodded and darted out of the room. She ran out to the car and began the long drive home. This cannot be happening to her, she had quit. She is not a kid anymore. This would all be too much for Lena and Callie. _I have to stop thinking this way._

**NOTE: Hey guys! I made sure to switch back to my old style this time! I hope you liked it! Also, I am really stuck now because I don't know where to take the story! I am hoping to write until January but I am going to need your suggestions in the reviews! I cannot write until I hear from you!**

**Xoxo, Katie**


	16. Chapter 16

When they entered the house Stef flopped onto the couch in the living room. Her own thoughts had exhausted her and she was preparing herself for a lecture from Lena.

"I am going to go help Jude with math" said Callie. She sneaked up the stairs, letting the two women work this out on their own.

Lena walked into the living room and sat by Stef. She was concerned about the way her wife was acting in the session. "Hey, Stef?" she broke the silence in the room

Here we go, Stef thought. "Yea, honey?"

Lena took a deep breath and started "Is everything okay because you were acting kind of weird today. I don't want you to feel embarrassed or anything if you need to… talk to someone. It's just… I can't deal with all this at once! I think you need some help. Maybe you can talk to Dr. Larson?" She tried to be as respectful as possible but she was so worried for her wife.

Stef placed her hand on top of Lena's "I am thankful for the concern but really Lena, I'm good. Some days are just better than others. This has been happening for the past 10 years but you just didn't realize it because you didn't know my past. I can control myself. I am fine." She was aware that she just lied to her wife's face, but it was partly true. Some days _were _worse than others but none have ever been this bad.

Lena sighed. Her face grew long "Okay. I'm going to check on Callie and Jude. Take care of yourself, I mean it. Love you." She leaned in and kissed Stef. Something was wrong, really wrong here, but she didn't know how to handle it. She decided to trust Stef to take care of it herself. She trekked the stairs and found Callie and Jude playing twister with Marianna. It felt right, like family.

Stef's chin started to wrinkle like she was going to cry. In a house with so many children she could not risk anyone walking in all the sudden. She darted to the bathroom in the hall and slid down the door after she closed it. Her hand reached up to turn on the faucet, it would drown out the sound of her sobs.

_Stef, stop, you need to stop this right now. You cannot give up all those years clean for a silly razor. There are better ways to deal with this. What kind of an influence would this make on Callie? THINK STEF! _The good part of her thoughts said to herself

But her mind slipped back into her teenage self. _Come on Stefie, just do it. It will make you feel better. You can do it where no one will see. Just once right? It's a simple fix! Don't you miss the relief? _

Stef knew there was only one person she could really talk to, one person who helped her through anything. The only one who might have a small chance of keeping her from relapse. She snatched her cell phone from her back pocket and dialed her mother's phone number. It rang once…twice…a third time and Stef began crying harder "Shit, pick up!" she whisper-yelled.

"Hello? This is Sharon speaking." Sharon wondered who was calling her at 10:08 pm.

Stef tried to stabilize her voice as much as she can. She opened her mouth to tell her mom that she was thinking about relapse but she couldn't form the words. Her mind started to panic "Hey mom, It's me…Stef…Um you're probably wondering why I'm calling you." She became really scared that her mom could hear right through her, she was being so awkward.

"Oh, hey my little Stef! What's up? Need some babysitting help with the new additions? Even though they're not babies, tell me if you and Lena need a…Honeymoon." She chuckled at that last part.

Stef let out a fake laugh. At this point she was on her feet and pacing the bathroom. "No, it's just…" She panicked "It's Callie. Do you think you could come and talk to her? She self –harms and it's pretty bad. I've talked to her a few times and she goes to therapy but I think she needs…you I guess." Her voice was so shaky. She hoped she wouldn't lose it.

Sharon wasn't surprised the girl self-harms. A lot of abuse survivors do. Something was off about her daughter though, she sounded…unstable. "Of course, I can come over tomorrow! What about you? How have you been? Are you okay?" She tried not to be so upfront about it.

Stef's heart beat quickened "Thanks so much mom, really this is really helpful. I have to run; my battery is going to die. Love you!" Stef hung up. She felt herself breaking apart and she needed to get off the phone quick, her mom would know something was wrong. She washed her face and waited until it looked normal again and headed off to her wife in bed.

The front door burst open "Hi sugarplums, Grandma's here!"

Stef knew that voice anywhere. She ran to the front door and greeted her mother with a hug. "Hey mom!"

It wasn't long before all of the kids came running down the stairs, greeting their grandma.

Lena entered the room too "Hey, Sharon. What are you doing here?"

"Lena! How is my daughter in-law?" Sharon gave Lena a big smooch on her cheek. She was so proud that Stef found a girl as great as Lena.

"I'm doing well." She said, still unsure why Sharon was there.

Stef was about to move everyone along when her mom interrupted.

"Actually, I came to talk with my daughter." Sharon looked at Stef. She knew something was wrong on the phone last night and she needed to know what was up with her daughter.

Stef's eyes opened wide "What?"

Lena cleared her throat. "Jesus, go get monopoly. We are all going to play it on the kitchen table while they…talk." She needed to keep everyone out of their way.

They all seemed excited about an impromptu game day and shuffled into the kitchen.

Sharon looked at Stef "Let's go outside."

Stef's worry built as they walked out and sat under their elm tree. "I thought you were going to talk to Callie…"

"Why did you call me last night? I know damn well it wasn't to get me to talk to Callie." Sharon cut right to the chase

"Nice seeing you too mom."

"Stef."

Stef took a deep breath in and looked down at her hands. "I...uh…I got really upset at Callie's therapy session and when I got home I thought of…you know… but I called you."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I was too afraid and embarrassed. I didn't want everyone looking over me."

Sharon sighed. "Stef, you need to let people help you. What was it yesterday that made you upset?"

"Lena kept talking about how she found a blade in Callie's pocket and she wouldn't stop saying blade or razor and it was just…ugh!"

"Blades trigger you. How can we stop that?"

Stef looked at her mom and shrugged. "I dunno."

"You do know, Stef. You just don't want to know. Let's think here. You can go to Lena and tell her to avoid mentioning them."

Stef nodded. "I guess so. But…"

"You don't want to talk to Lena?"

Tears started to well in Stef's eyes. She was such a failure that she could not even talk to her own wife. "What is she going to think of me? She married a freak!" Stef broke out in long hard sobs

Sharon enclosed her arms around her daughter. She hadn't seen her like this in so long, it was heartbreaking. "Hey, Stefie, listen. Lena _loves_ you. She is going to think that you are a mature adult and you know what needs to be done to keep yourself safe. You are not a freak, I promise. You are amazing. The most perfect daughter I could have ever imagined. Lena has good taste." She was stroking her daughter's blonde hair and moving out of her face.

Indoors, Jude was beating everyone at monopoly. Callie nudged Lena and pointed out the window where Stef was being comforted by her mom. Lena looked out the window and smiled. She was glad Stef found someone to talk to. Lena looked back at Callie and nodded.

Callie's gesture attracted everyone to look out the window. Brandon was the first to speak up "Hey is mom alright?"

Jesus spoke up "Well obviously not, Brandon."

Lena didn't like Jesus' rude tone "That's enough Jesus."

Marianna was worried "No, seriously, what's wrong?"

Lena took a deep breath in "She just had a rough day yesterday, which is all you need to know. Now you owe me rent Jesus!"

When Stef finally calmed down Sharon gave her a pat on the back and said "Okay, better now? Let's go talk to Lena, yes?"

Stef nodded her head. She stood up then helped her mom up to pull her into a hug. "Thanks Mom."

Sharon stayed in the hug for a while until she pulled away and wiped the stray tears out of her daughter's eyes. "It's my job."

Stef and Sharon walked into the house and were greeted with silence and many eyeballs. The whole Foster family just saw one of their mamas crying, and no one knew what to say about it. It wasn't long until Stef finally noticed what they were all so quiet about. "Oh. I guess there is a window there, huh?" She mumbled.

Sharon spoke up, knowing that her daughter would not do it on her own. "Lena darling, Stef needs to talk to you for a second."

Lena looked up and saw that this was serious. "Okay. When I come back I better have the same amount of money right there." She entered the hallway where none of the children would be able to hear their conversation. "Are you okay? What's up?"

Stef kept looking at her shoes, avoiding the whole conversation "I am now"

Sharon was getting annoyed "Are you going to do this or not? Actually that's not a question, you have to do it."

Lena was getting confused. What was Stef going to do?

Stef couldn't make any eye contact, so she decided to look at the flowers in the hall. "My mom wants you to stop saying blade." That sounded good enough to her.

Sharon rolled her eyes. "Let me try. Stef needs you to avoid using trigger words such as blade, razor, tool, and so on." She was upset that her daughter couldn't do it for herself.

Lena looked into Stef's eyes, but Stef wasn't looking back "Yea, of course! Stef, you didn't" She lowered her voice "Relapse? Did you?"

Stef shuffled her feet. "No, I came close though. But it won't happen again it's just blades trigger me; That's what we call it when we feel like we need to relapse. If you can just avoid it, them, we'll be fine."

"Okay"

"Okay"

Lena circled Stef into a hug. "I love you. I will do anything to keep you safe."

Stef looked at her mom and mouthed _thank you_. She knew her mom would help. Squeezing her wife tightly she took a deep breath and said "I love you too"

**NOTE: Hey guys! Sorry for the long wait but I spent a really long time planning this chapter out. Is it any good? Thanks sooo much to MKAmericanHero (did I get that right? It was off of memory) for helping me plan this out. Go check out her stuff, The Easy Silence That You Make for Me inspired this story and it is my favorite fanfic! Anyways, I am still in dire need of suggestions. I know what I am doing with the next chapter but after that I am all blank. I love you guys so much, keep reviewing! **

**Xoxo Katie**


	17. Chapter 17

Later that day, The Foster family gathered to have an Italian dinner, fixed by Lena. Stef felt everyone's glares on her as she tried to make small talk, avoiding any talk of what happened earlier. She just shrugged it off and proceeded to talk about how school was going to start up soon, or work. Lena kept patting her leg under the table, reassuring her wife that everything was fine.

Callie had stayed remarkably quiet during dinner, but she had made a concerted effort to at least make enough small talk for everyone to leave her alone. She had been the center of attention for the last few days and with Sharon in the house, well, it added another set of eyes, and in Callie's mind they were all looking at her. When Callie could no longer pretend to be interested in the food on her plate she asked if she could be excused. Stef looked up at Callie and then to Lena before nodding.

"Sure, but stay close, so that when I have to harass you all to do the dishes you aren't too far away." Stef winked at Callie, trying to make it sound like it was a joke, but Callie could hear the hidden meaning behind Stef's words. In a non-direct way she was telling Callie to stay downstairs so that they knew where she was and what she was doing, or more importantly what she wasn't doing. Callie sighed as she took her plate with her into the kitchen before settling into the living room and flipping through the TV channels looking for a distraction. She settled on a movie channel, though truth be told, she wasn't paying attention to the movie at all. It provided background noise as Callie sat there deep in thought, so deep in thought that she didn't see Sharon watching her from the hallway and enter until Sharon was sitting on the couch next to her.

"Mind if I join you?" Sharon's question was met with a determined silence, which didn't surprise her at all. To Callie, Sharon was still a new person who she hadn't learned to trust yet and Sharon knew that even though she had been called in to talk to Callie, she would have to prove herself first. Sharon sat back against the couch cushions and watched the movie for a few minutes when one scene played that seemed to catch Callie's attention.

_'My daddy always said there was a separate god for children.'_

Sharon watched as Callie pulled her legs toward her chest as if she was trying to defend herself from believing in that one line in the movie. Sharon saw a small flash of anger play across Callie's face. How dare the writers of this movie, the author of the book pretend to know something like that? Sharon knew bits and pieces of Callie's past and while she wish she had the full story, she knew enough to know that Callie's anger was well justified. Deep down Sharon didn't want to push Callie to open up to her because she knew that the last few days had been all about everyone focusing all their attention on Callie, but she had to at least try.

"I could try and make small talk with you, but I'm pretty sure you'd be able to see straight through that." Callie made no effort to show Sharon that she was listening, but Sharon decided to take a chance and keep talking.

"When Stef was growing up she always had the hardest time telling me about big things that were happening with her. Whether it was a big assignment at school, or someone was being mean to her, could be anything, it always took a few days for her to work up the courage to tell me. I found out about her cutting on my own, but when she came out it was the same thing. Even though she was a grown woman she still had to build herself up to tell me. She came over and I could tell whatever she had to tell me was something she had been fighting with because everything she said sounded rehearsed, but then all of a sudden it stopped and it was like she couldn't speak. Finally, after about half an hour of dancing around it she swallowed back some tears and blurted out 'I'm a lesbian'."

"Why are you telling me this story?" Callie didn't make eye contact, but that reaction as exactly what Sharon was hoping for so she smiled and explained.

"I told it to you to prove a point. Stef was so sure that I wouldn't be able to except it, that I would turn away from her because she was gay and yet here I am. I know it's easier to push people away and tell yourself that no one cares and no one understands, but please hear me when I say this…you can push as hard as you want, but nothing you do is going to send me, or your moms, running." Callie turned her head slightly to look at Sharon as if to determine if the older woman was serious and the look on Sharon's face said that she was very serious.

"I don't know what you want me to say."

"Look Callie, I know you already have a doctor to talk to, but I'm just letting you know that I'm here if you want to talk to someone who has a pretty good understanding of what it is you're doing." Callie looked at Sharon again, this time holding her gaze as if to weigh all her options, but before she could make her choice Jude came in from the kitchen.

"Callie if you want dessert I'd get some before Jesus gets it all."

Callie forced a smile and shook her head. "I'm fine buddy, thanks, but you should go get some before Jesus inhales it all." Jude looked at his sister as if he knew that she was hiding her true emotions, but he slowly turned back into the kitchen and left the women alone.

"I can't." Callie spoke and Sharon looked at her confused.

"Can't what, Callie?"

"Talk to you…not with everyone within earshot." Sharon recognized that Callie had been the center of attention for all the wrong reasons and everyone would notice her absence from family time and they would all come looking for her eventually.

"What if it was just you and me?" Callie looked slightly panicked and before she had the chance to say no Sharon corrected herself. "Or you, me and Stef?" Callie felt better at the thought of having Stef near by and with that offer on the table Callie nodded to Sharon.

"I'll be right back." Sharon grabbed her purse from near the front door and walked into the kitchen. The kids were fighting over dessert items and Lena and Stef were standing off to the side waiting for the fighting to die down. Stef caught her mother watching them and nudged Lena causing her to look up. Sharon walked over to the two of them and after digging around in her wallet she grabbed three twenty-dollar bills and handed them to Lena.

"Any chance I could convince you to take the kids to go see a movie?"

"Why do I get the feeling I'll only be taking four of my children to this movie?" said Lena

Sharon smiled at Lena. "Because Callie and I will be holding down the fort here, along with your blushing bride,"

Lena looked to Stef who seemed to be just as surprised. Lena knew that the time for questions wasn't right then. With the events of the doctor's office still fresh in everyone's mind Lena wasn't about to sneeze at Sharon's help, especially if it got Callie to open up a little bit. Lena stepped away from her mother in law and told the kids to grab their jackets and to meet her in the car. Lena could see how confused Jude looked when his sister didn't join them, but her smile assured him that she was being well cared for in his absence. Stef watched her family leave and as she shut the door behind them she poked her head in the living room to see her mother take a seat next to Callie. Not wanting to disturb, Stef opted to sit on the bottom stairs in a spot where she could hear what was going on, but could also give Callie some space to talk to her own mother.

"That a little bit better?" Sharon asked.

Callie nodded yes and smiled, "thank you."

"Of course; and if I know my daughter she probably waiting around the corner to come running in to save the day if you should start crying so it's just the three of us."

"This is kind of the most messed up gathering I can imagine. It's like the self-harm summit or something." Callie was wildly uncomfortable and humor was a natural coping mechanism. To her surprise Sharon laughed.

"I guess it does seem like that doesn't it?"

"I don't know what you want me to tell you. I've never been very good at this."

"What, talking about it?"

"No, trusting people, like at all. I never imagined having to defend why I do it to anyone because…well no one cared before now." Sharon could feel Stef's heart breaking from the other room and she offered Callie a soft smile.

"Well, people care now and I don't see that changing ever."

"Bet you didn't think your new granddaughter would be crazy did you?" Sharon shook her head and held out her hand for Callie to take whenever she was ready for that kind of contact.

"Hey, look at me." Callie lifted her gaze to meet Sharon's and the older woman smiled. "You, my dear girl, are not crazy."

"How can you possibly say that? Sane people don't do this." Callie revealed the most recent cuts from the days prior and waited for Sharon to react negatively, but that wasn't what happened. Sharon looked at the cuts and for a brief moment she had to remind herself that this was her granddaughter and not Stef she was dealing with and Callie had a past full of pain that Sharon couldn't fix with I love you's and kisses. Callie required a different approach.

"Are those supposed to scare me?" Sharon posed the question and Callie seemed shocked that the cuts didn't affect Sharon in any way.

"Don't they? I mean I cut myself with a razor, isn't that scary, doesn't that make you question my mental stability?"

"Why do you want me to be scared by this Callie?"

Callie snapped and blurted out through tears. "Because it fucking scares me." Callie put her hand over her mouth like she could take back the words, but she couldn't. Callie was used to people reacting to anything she did in big, grand gestures and when Sharon refused to be phased by her cutting Callie didn't know what to do and in that confusion the truth came out. Callie buried her face in her hands and kept crying and after placing a hand on her back to test the waters, Sharon wrapped her arms around her granddaughter and let her continue to cry. Sharon could see Stef pacing the front hallway, wanting desperately to come to her daughter's rescue, but Sharon knew that Stef knew better than to come running in. Stef had called her mother for a reason. Yes, she needed someone to talk to, but she needed her mother to work her magic a second time and help another teenager who was hurting way too much for them to handle alone.

When the tears had subsided into soft whimpers Callie pulled away slightly and dabbed her eyes with her sleeve. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have yelled at you."

"I'd rather you yell at me instead of keep everything bottled up like that." Sharon gestured to the cuts Callie had showed her. "You don't scare me Callie, but this, this scares me. It scared me when Stef was 16 and it scares me just as much now, if not more. I can't pretend to know the hell you've lived through and even if you told me, there isn't a thing I can do to take what happened to you back. But honey, this is not the answer. I know it seems like the answer, but it's not."

"I don't know how else to deal with everything. When I start feeling that way, it's like I can't breathe until I get rid of it somehow and cutting always helps."

"What about afterwards?"

"I feel like an idiot and I feel guilty; especially now that we're here and everything with Stef." Sharon knew that Callie and Stef had an understanding that no one else could ever touch, but that bond can cause crazy levels of guilt to be passed back and forth between them. Callie never wanted to disappoint Stef and the Stef wanted to be strong for her child. Neither one of them could see that they would forever be running in circles unless one of them quit.

"Honey, it's not your job to protect Stef, ok? It's her job to protect you. She knows when to ask for help, she learned it a long time ago. We just need to get you to the same place."

"I can do it myself." Callie's stubborn pride reminded Sharon of Stef and because of that she knew that eventually those walls would come tumbling down and Callie would need people to help her and thankfully she had a house full of those people.

"Honey with all due respect, no you cannot. If you could, we wouldn't be having this conversation. There is no shame in asking for help when you need it." Sharon reached for Callie's phone and silently tapped at the screen for a few seconds before handing the device back to Callie.

"Whenever you decide that you want to talk to someone or maybe decide that asking for help isn't any scarier than what you are doing now, you call me. If you can't talk to your mothers, please give me a chance to help before you reach for something to hurt yourself with, deal?" Callie looked at her phone, at the new contact that read Grandma and the tears started all over again. She shook her head yes and this time Callie wrapped her arms around Sharon and enjoyed the fact that she had a grandmother in her life again and one that knew how to help her through this difficult situation.

Callie sniffled and mumbled, "They didn't sign up for this."

"Who didn't sign up for what?"

"Stef and Lena, they didn't sign up for all this."

Stef had been standing in the doorway to the living room long enough to hear that and that was enough for her to stop lurking in the shadows and step into the living room.

"Yes we did." Callie sat up from her embrace with Sharon and Stef sat on the coffee table in front of the teenager. "When you came here to live with us, when you became part of this family, we absolutely signed up for this. Parenting doesn't end when your kid goes through hell Callie, that's when parents hang on tight and fight for you. You didn't screw up this family by coming here; you made it complete. You and Jude are my children, our children, and we absolutely signed up for this."

Callie broke down yet again, "I don't want to do it, I really don't, but I can't stop." She looked up at Stef "How do I stop?"

Stef got nervous, honestly, she didn't really know. Like Callie, she used humor as a defense mechanism "Uh…I usually just call my mom and tattle on my daughter."

Sharon chuckled but then gave Stef a serious look to tell her to try again.

Stef looked back to her daughter who was trying to give a fake smile. "No…uh…well, you have to find out what triggers you and develop new ways to cope…with your pain or anger or whatever. You like photography, don't you? And you are getting damn good on that guitar. Next time you feel an urge, do one of those things. If it gets too bad though, please, please come talk to one of us." Stef had a hand placed on Callie's knee by the end of her speech, she thought it went pretty well.

Callie engulfed Stef in a hug "I'll try."

Stef rubbed her back and looked at her mom. With tears in her eyes, she said, "You deserve to feel better, Callie, and you can get there without hurting yourself." But this time, she wasn't just talking to Callie, she was talking to herself.

**NOTE: Okay guys, the time has come where I don't have any more ideas! PLEASE review with some because I can't keep writing without them! I hope y'all liked the chapter, but 95% of the credit goes to the best writer out there, MKAmericanhero (seriously, you HAVE to check her out) Love and kissies, **

**Katie**


	18. Chapter 18

**NOTE: Hello to all you lovelies that are reading this! I have received a lot of requests about doing a chapter with some Lena/Callie interaction, so guess what? I wrote it! A special thanks to Manito who gave me the inspiration for this chapter!Also, I'm really sorry that I haven't been updating a lot, I have just been having a really rough time with my Bipolar disorder lately. Without further ado, I give you chapter 17!**

When breakfast was over, Stef headed to work. Lena loved the summer break, but sometimes it made her feel like a housewife. Marianna and Jesus decided to spend their day at the pool and Jude was over at Connor's house. Like always, Brandon was practicing in his room and Callie was just…around. After watching 2 episodes of "Grey's Anatomy", Lena headed off to see what the kids were doing.

She passed by Brandon's room and enjoyed listening to the soft tunes coming from his keyboard. Once she checked in with him, she walked over to the girl's room. The door was cracked so she made a small knock and entered.

Callie had been debating cutting all morning. She had picked up the blade and set it down, read a book for a while and picked it up again. Her iPhone was sitting close by, with Sharon on speed dial, but she couldn't bring herself to do it. "This isn't a _real_ emergency" she kept telling herself. She didn't want to annoy her grandma just one day after she was here. After debating it for a long while, she was left sitting on the edge of her bed and staring at the metal razorblade on her nightstand. Suddenly, there was a knock and Lena appeared in the door.

"Hey Callie!" Lena exclaimed just before she noticed what the teen was looking at "…are you okay?" She didn't know how else to put it. The bond between Callie and Lena had never really been as strong as Callie and Stef's. This made Lena kind of sad, she sometimes felt left out of everything. It really wasn't her fault though, she just didn't understand everything.

Callie shot to her feet and stammered "I didn't…I'm okay, I swear" She hoped that Lena didn't think that she cut, because she didn't…this time.

Lena walked towards the teen "Are you sure you're okay? Do you want to talk about it? I know I'm not Stef but I will listen."

Callie sighed "No…I just…nothing bad even happened I just want to for some reason. Ugh, you just don't understand."

Lena walked into the room and sat next to Callie on her bed "Okay then, love, help me to understand." She refused to live in a world where the only person Callie felt comfortable talking to was Stef. Lena really wanted to become involved with Callie's recovery and she was willing to do whatever it takes to earn the trust of the teenager.

Callie was shocked. Explain cutting? How could she do that? She took a long pause and began "Uh…okay…It's an addiction first of all, you can't just stop on command. I guess I just…it makes me feel better. It makes the pain go away for a little bit. Like, if you let out all the air in your lungs and you try to hold your breath like that, it's that tightness in your chest and you feel like you are going to die. Now, when you breathe in, you feel the relief…that is what cutting is like I guess. Relief. I really don't want to cut, believe me I don't…but I have to…like breathing, it's necessary." Callie was horrified at the fact that she just said all of that to Lena.

Lena nodded. "Thank you, for telling me that. I know that you want to stop, and I believe that you do. I promise that we are getting you all the help you need to do that."

Callie forced a smile through "I am sorry for saying that you don't understand. I don't expect you to. You really don't understand unless you have done it. Nobody should have to understand it. Thank you for listening"

Lena put a hand on Callie's knee "I know that you would rather talk to Stef, but I am always around to talk, or just listen. I'm sorry that things have been sort of focused on you recently, I will try to get on Jesus more about those grades" she smiled "but, you are very important to us and we love you so, very much. There is no shame in asking for help Callie." Lena hoped that she got her message out.

Callie felt so loved. Tears began to well in her eyes; no one had ever been this kind to her before. This was all a huge change for her; she went from barely ever noticed to the center of attention in a few months. "I'm trying. "

Lena pulled her into a hug. When she broke away, she pointed to the blade sitting on the nightstand "You know how much I want to take that with me but I can't. I trust you to trust us. Also, you might want to keep it away from Stef, they bother her a lot." Lena gave one final smile and left the room. Once she was outside of the door she breathed a huge sigh of relief and headed downstairs to watch more "Grey's Anatomy". "That went well" she thought.

Callie exhaled the breath she had been holding ever since Lena entered the room. "That was scary," she thought "but good." She let herself sink back into her bed and stared at the ceiling. She let her mind purge all the bad thoughts; her mom's death, abusive foster homes, the rape, because this time she knew that if her mind slipped down the cracks too deep, Lena would be there to catch her. Her final thoughts before drifting off to sleep were "This is where I belong."

**NOTE: Did you guys like it? I sure hope so! I still need some more requests on what to do in the story after this, so leave some reviews! ALSO, READ THIS IF YOU ARE AN AUTHOR: I want to start a fanfic about Lena/Stef as teenagers and then them meeting and their life now and struggles with Stef coming out and everything BUT I need a partner to help me write/edit and bounce around ideas. It would be on one of our accounts and we would both get credit for it. If you are interested in this, drop me a PM and I will check out your Stories. If you haven't written any fics on here, no problem! Just send me a sample writing of at least 500 words. Please enter your "application" by November 2****nd**** and I will PM you on the 3****rd****. I look forward to hearing from you all!**


	19. Chapter 19

**NOTE: Hey guys! How have you been? I am really sorry that I haven't been updating very often, it's just…UGH life. Anyways, I have a new chapter for you guys and that is exciting! Now, I got A LOT of different requests from you guys and I am trying to fit all of that in and I promise they will all get written at some time or another, I have a list that I am checking off. This chapter probably will not be anyone's request but I am pretty excited for it and it is the first real inspiration I have had in a while. I hope you enjoy!**

It was the middle of August and the first day of Callie's junior year was starting in a week. She was watching a sappy lifetime movie when she heard the mailman outside. Nobody else was downstairs so she decided to fetch the mail for the family.

Callie switched off the television and trekked down the driveway to the blue mailbox. As she opened it, she swatted away the gnats from her face – she had always hated the hot weather. Her lanky arm reached into the box and retrieved the few pieces of mail. Walking back up to the house, she mumbled to herself while shifting through mail "Coupons, Coupons, Bills, Junk Mail, I am NOT donating to you, magazine," she continued until she came to a stack of 5 different envelopes from Anchor Beach Charter school. She groaned, realizing that it was almost that time of the year.

When she entered the house, Lena was in the kitchen looking through the refrigerator. She saw Callie enter and closed the door "Oh, anything good?"

Callie threw the mail on the table "Some junk mail, Marianna's magazine, and Bills. And I think we got our schedules."

Lena's face brightened "That's exciting! You should all open them together!" When the teen shrugged, she took that as a yes. Suddenly, Lena's voice filled the house "**Kids! Your schedules are here!**"

It was not long before a trail of 5 teenagers came running down the stairs. Marianna was the first to open her letter. With enthusiasm, she read aloud "Okay, first semester I have Honors English II, Algebra 2, Chemistry, and Dance. For second semester I have AP US History, French II, Astronomy, and Creative Writing! Yes! I got into Creative Writing with Timothy!"

Everyone else had their turn sharing their schedules with everyone and they all seemed pretty happy. Callie got into AP English III with Timothy, and Jude was excited for his Philosophy 101 elective. When all the kids eventually retreated to their rooms, Callie was left staring at her schedule.

Lena noticed the teen "Is everything okay? You are going to be just fine in that AP class, you're awesome at it." Callie looked unusually pale. This was strange because she looked so happy a few minutes ago.

Callie pointed to a spot on her paper "I have gym this semester" Her eyes were glazed over and she could not take her eyes off of the paper.

Lena still could not wrap her head around the idea that gym was so bad. She could see that her daughter was really upset about this and she walked around to put a hand on her back "What's wrong with that sweetie? Ms. Herring is very nice."

Callie sat down at the kitchen table and set her letter down in front of her. She looked straight ahead and shook her head "I don't think you understand. Gym: Shorts and Short Sleeves."

Lena immediately understood. She sat next to Callie and looked at her "I see. Well, you know you can't get out of taking gym. It is the law. But, I can talk to Ms. Herring for you and see if you can wear a long sleeved shirt under it of a jacket."

Callie felt better at the thought of a solution, but she still wasn't excited to be taking the class "No, I'll talk to her. I don't want someone else to fight my battles for me. Thanks though."

"Are you sure? I would be more than happy to—"

"I'm sure! Thanks"

It was the first day of school. Everything had gone smoothly for Callie so far, and it was time for 3rd period gym. She sat through the whole class period in the gym with Ms. Herring talking to the class about what was to be expected of them and when the new units would happen. At the end of class, Callie had a few minutes to talk to her before lunch.

Her palms were sweating as she approached the gym teacher. "Ms. Herring? Can I talk to you for a second?"

The tall woman turned around and smiled at Callie "its Callie right? Aren't you Lena's kid? I saw you with her an awful lot last year and she talks about you at meetings sometimes. Enough of that, what's up?"

Callie cringed at the thought of Lena talking about her to other people. What had she said? She pushed that thought to the back of her mind and focused on what mattered. "Yea, they adopted us over the summer. I was wondering if I could wear a long sleeved shirt under my gym uniform. I have some stuff on my arms that I am self-conscious about and I don't really feel comfortable with the short sleeves." Callie looked at the ground as she waited for Ms. Herring to speak up. 

The lady gave a concerned look at the teen "Is everything okay?"

Callie did not shift her gaze from the floor as she spoke to the woman "Not really, but my moms already know about that. You can go ahead and ask Lena if you want. I just really need to wear a long sleeved shirt, that's all."

Ms. Herring still looked concerned but she eventually nodded. "That's okay with me, you might also want to wear a jacket when it gets cold out and we go outside. Take care of yourself, Callie."

Callie finally built up the courage to look at the gym teacher. "Thank you. I am going to lunch now" She sped out of the gym

Ms. Herring called out a short "Goodbye!" as the teen left.

Later that day, Ms. Herring went to Lena's office and knocked on the door.

"Come in!" shouted Lena from her desk

Ms. Herring entered "Hello Lena!"

Lena knew exactly what this was about from the second the gym teacher walked into the room "Hey! You can go ahead and sit down if you want."

The Gym teacher shook her head "This will actually be pretty quick. So…about Callie, Is she…?"

Lena interjected at Ms. Herrings statement "Everything is under control, I assure you. Thank you for your concern."

Ms. Herring nodded and headed to the door "That is all I needed to know! Thanks!"

Lena gave her goodbyes as the lady left the room. She was proud of Callie for taking the responsibility of talking to her teachers. Her thoughts were interrupted by a phone-call from Stef. She answered "Stef, you know you are not supposed to call me at work."

"I know, I'm sorry. It was an emergency."

"What?" Lena said, noticing the slight sense of anger and worry in her wife's voice

"You will never guess where I found Callie…And I will give you a hint, It was not school."

**NOTE: DUH DUH DUUUUUUH sooooooo did you like it? I hope so. Anyways, now that I read this over, I realize that this wasn't really all that good so I apologize for that. Like I said, I am still working in all of your requests and they will show up soon but don't be afraid to leave more. I LOVE IT WHEN YOU GUYS LEAVE NICE REVIEWS! I realized that I haven't said that in a while but just know that you are really awesome and it makes my day when I see a nice comment in my reviews box. I love you all! **

**ALSO! THE WINNER OF THE CO-WRITER CONTEST THINGY IS *cue drumroll* TheTBone! Everyone that applied was super awesome and It was really hard to choose but T, I think our writing styles will really match and I am super excited. SO, to all of you, be looking out for a new story within the next couple days/weeks/decades. **

**OH AND I LEFT SOMETHING OUT! I haven't decided where I wanted Stef to find Callie skipping school but I want it to be somewhat dramatic so it would be cool if you could give me your thoughts/ideas**

**And also, to the person who wants to have Liam come back just….no…I'm sorry but asdfjkl; I can't even comprehend my thoughts and feelings towards that and it scares me to think about writing it. **

**I love you guys!**

**XOXO**

**Katie**


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